She's JV to your varsity
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
