this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It was a blind-side dick pic.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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