Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
soo... how was my night?
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