she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
