Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize