i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
