You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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