Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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