ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
