He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
