Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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