I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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