Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
