five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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