I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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