he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
