I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
