Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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