I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
