After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
