If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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