my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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