You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
