Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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