thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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