so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
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im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
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I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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