I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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