Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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