She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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