smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
