Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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