Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
