the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
