Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
