I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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