Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
