i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
