I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Get your heels and tits on! Iβm not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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