This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
