I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
