I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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