I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
