id be glad to
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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