Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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