do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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