I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
