Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So vagazzling was a success
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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