no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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