That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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