I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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