I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
one two three fourrrrnication!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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