I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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