Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
