4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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