im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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