I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
