I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I understand Curling. That high.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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