Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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