just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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