The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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