"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
