What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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