True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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