She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
