I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
