i would punch a child for taco bell
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
