She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
