Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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