I can text with my tongue
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
