Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
