The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
