Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
