I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
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Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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