Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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