Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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