Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
