Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
