Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize