who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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