I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.