did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!