you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.