No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?