hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
