Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
