i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
